When God Changes the Plan
Finding the Blessings in Unexpected Beginnings
“Mooov-In Day.” Three words that can make a college parent simultaneously excited, exhausted, nostalgic, and just a little bit weepy. And if your student attends college for four years and lives in a different dorm or apartment each year, you may only get four Mooov-In Days.
Four. That's it.
Maybe that's why this particular day feels so big.
This past week, we moved our almost 20-year-old son, Tyler, into an apartment with three friends to start his sophomore year at The University of Texas in Austin.
Mooov-In Day —yes, that’s how we UT Longhorns say it—is a special day for students moving into a dorm on campus or a nearby apartment. For weeks prior, students and parents have been coordinating all the necessities (and a few extras) needed to get off to a great start for the new school year. Checklists are made. Shopping. Packing and loading. Unloading and unpacking.
But as I watched my son carry bags and boxes into his new home, I couldn't help but think about another new beginning—one that happened nearly twenty years ago.
As an owner of a gift shop for four years, six days a week, without a vacation or extra day off, I welcomed my family’s discussions to plan some family vacations to celebrate upcoming high school graduations for our two children, Steven and Ashley. We had our sights set on dreamy travel destinations!
A few days later, like a record needle scratching a music album, those plans came to a halt when I started to feel different. I had felt this way before. Twice before.
I was going to be 40 years old, my husband 43 and Steven was going to be 18 and Ashley 15.
No, can't be, I thought.
Remember George Banks in "Father of the Bride, Part II" learning of their unexpected pregnancy? He began accusing Nina of having an affair to then being reminded of the moment it could have happened. My husband and I had a similar moment of questioning the possibility then remembering Valentine's Day. Yup, that was the time.
I was emotionally in shock when the nurse confirmed the results. I was stoic, unlike my first two reactions of jubilant shrieks of gratefulness. I knew my heart would eventually catch up to this gratitude, but at that very moment, I was simply hoping the movie reel playing in my mind was not visible to others as I saw the travel, retirement, and empty nest plans fizzle into a dream sequence. The real-life script was now titled, "Starting Over With A Baby.”
It is amazing how 15 years can pass and how much you remember...and how much more you don't.
It's even more amazing how much your body can age in 15 years, especially when you take it for granted.
I was scared.
I became even more scared when the doctor ran several tests due to my being classified as an at-risk patient because of my advancing age. My blood pressure also became an issue as it climbed to match the increasing anxiety within my heart.
I questioned my ability to continue to run a store where I was the sole employee.
The test results indicated that our child could possibly be born with deficiencies. We began to get ready for the life God wanted to give us. More importantly than preparing a room for our child, we prepared our hearts. I worked on turning my fears and doubts into willingness, openness, and gratitude.
We felt it was best to close the store. After I placed the vacancy sign in the window and turned away from locking the door for the last time, I found myself unable to step foot into another gift shop without being overwhelmed with emotion and quickly running out.
Trust. Trust. Trust. This word became my mantra for this new beginning.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. - Proverbs 3:5-6
On October 23, 2006, our son, Tyler, was born perfectly healthy. He did, however, come into this world with a bang! Literally. Even though I was not to feel anything from my waist down with the epidural, his entrance took my breath away. It wasn’t until the epidural wore off, and I tried to get up, that I truly felt it. A physical pain I had never experienced before.
My pelvis was broken.
I left the hospital with a walker, a commode chair...and Tyler.
Nights were my worst. When my husband and two older children would go to sleep for their busy school and workdays, I felt so alone. I felt inadequate and depressed. It was to be such a happy time to welcome a baby home, and I found myself crying more than smiling. I was emotionally in distress, and so was my body. I was not healing well from the broken pelvis.
God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in distress. - Psalm 46:2
It took two years of doctor visits, tests, and spiritual guidance for me to experience the intense gratitude my heart so longed to feel about our surprise blessing and understand why I was struggling from the onset. I was diagnosed with Sjögren syndrome. The birth of my son and the breaking of my pelvis helped to reveal a health spiraling out of control.
My son’s birth also helped to reveal other things out of control in my life. Before Tyler, I spent time with friends gossiping about other parents. I was also not a good caretaker for me and my family. I would overfill my plate with too many activities. I took life for granted. I took people for granted, especially my family.
Mooov-In Day is a big day for parents, too. So many emotions. You are in the front row of your teen or young adult’s entrance into a new chapter of their life away from you, the home they’ve comfortably and safely known all their life.
You look at their grown bodies and can’t help but see the baby you rocked to sleep or held to comfort. You replay their firsts…their first steps, their first day of school, their first practice or game, and the first time they learned something.
When I look back now, I can see blessings I couldn't possibly see then. God used Tyler's arrival to...
Reveal a health condition I didn't know I had. The physical crisis surrounding his birth eventually led to discovering Sjögren syndrome and helped me begin taking my health seriously.
Teach me to slow down and care differently. I had been filling my life with activities and people while taking my family—and even myself—for granted.
Make me a kinder, more intentional person. God used that abrupt halt in my life to show me things about myself I needed to change.
Teach me new dimensions of His love. Motherhood opened my eyes to a kind of love that continually points me back to the Father's love for His children.
Give me courage to pursue a God-planted dream. The calling to write had been in my heart for more than 20 years, but fear kept me from pursuing it. Tyler's unexpected arrival helped redirect my life—and eventually gave me the courage to write The Love Stairway…and these 4:13 Journal blogs!
Those are just the blessings I can see. I'm sure there are others I still haven't recognized.
Isn't that how God's blessings often work? Sometimes we don't recognize them until we look backward.
What if the interruption you're living through right now is carrying a blessing you haven't recognized yet?
And then there was homeschooling.
I homeschooled Tyler for nine years (K-8th grade).
It was another unexpected blessing.
I taught him.
He taught me.
I thought I was preparing him for life.
God was using him to prepare me for mine.
I had a plan. God interrupted it.
I was afraid. God taught me to trust.
I thought I was losing something when I closed the store. It turned out to be a blessing.
And now, almost twenty years later, that same baby is moving into his sophomore-year apartment.
God isn't finished writing the story of my unexpected beginnings.
And I don't believe He's finished writing yours, either.
Will you join me in praying for all students embarking on this new school year? Whether it is their first day of preschool, elementary school, middle school, high school, or college, or any year in between, let’s bless them with our prayers. Please feel free to use your words or whatever is in your heart!
Let us pray…
Lord,
Please bless our students with courage to love You, others, and themselves. May they have the wisdom to do and say what is pleasing to You, Lord. Please protect them as they maneuver through their day of learning and living. Give them confidence to be a friend as You also lead them to life-giving friendships of good influences. Inspire them to prayerfully discern what is good and just. We pray these same blessings on their teachers/professors as they empower our students with opportunities to grow. And Father, help our students to believe that their identity isn’t based on grades, popularity, sports or achievements but rather it is in You and Your love for them. May our students grow deeper in love with You, Almighty God, this school year.
In Your name we pray.
Amen.
How about we also pray for the parents of students entering their new school year?
Lord,
Please bless us parents to release what we cannot control and instead trust Your plans. May we always remember that our children are ultimately Yours, Father, and You are always looking out for them and have their best interests at heart. Help us know when to speak and when to be quiet. When to hold on and when to let go. Almighty God, we trust You are working even when we can’t see what You are doing or understand it. We surrender our worries and fears to You, Lord. We place our trust in You as we share our specific intentions for this school year…(insert any intentions you wish to pray for).
We love You, Lord.
Amen.
Trust. Trust. Trust.
We may not know what the next chapter holds. It definitely may not be part of YOUR plans, but we can trust the One who is already there…to help us find the blessings in unexpected beginnings!
Blessings,
Bonnie🤍
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