I’m Sorry…For Saying I’m Sorry So Much
Learning the Difference Between Humility and Making Myself Small
Have you ever apologized to something…that couldn’t even hear you?
I have.
I’ve said “I’m sorry” after bumping into a wall, asking an employee for a bag at a store, or for winning an award.
For years, “I’m sorry” rolled off my tongue like it was second nature.
I thought I was being polite. I thought it was the right thing to do…the humble thing to do.
But I wasn’t being humble.
I was making myself small.
A Moment I Never Forgot
In high school, I remember being recognized for an award. I was standing alongside three of my friends also up for the award—girls I cared about deeply.
When my name was called, I didn’t celebrate.
I turned to them and quietly said,
“I’m sorry.”
I wasn’t trying to be fake humble.
I genuinely felt bad… like somehow my winning meant their loss more than my blessing.
Later that year, I overheard one of the girls talking to someone else. She said, loud enough for me to hear:
“I really hate it when someone wins something and then turns to the people who didn’t and says they’re sorry.”
My heart sank.
I knew she was talking about me.
I remember feeling misunderstood… but also unsure how to explain myself. I didn’t even fully understand why I had said it to begin with. So, I stayed quiet.
But I never forgot that moment.
What I Learned Without Realizing It
No one ever sat me down and said, “Make yourself small.”
But somewhere along the way… I learned it anyway.
I grew up believing that accepting praise might come across as prideful. That being confident could be mistaken for being conceited. That humility meant deflecting, minimizing, or apologizing.
I carried this quiet belief into adulthood:
It’s better to shrink than to shine.
The Wake-Up Call
Years later, I was at a store with my husband when a cashier asked if I wanted a bag.
My response?
“Yes, I’d like a bag, please. I’m sorry.”
When the employee was out of earshot, my husband looked at me and said,
“Why are you apologizing?”
I told him I didn’t want to inconvenience the clerk… that I was asking them to do something extra.
And he gently said,
“But it’s their job.”
Then he added something that stuck with me:
“I’ve noticed you say, ‘I’m sorry’ a lot… even when nothing is your fault.”
And just like that…I started noticing it, too.
He went on to say, “I bet you even apologize when you play tennis.”
He was right. I apologize a lot while on the tennis court. I feel like I am letting my player down with every misstep I make.
Even when my partner apologizes, I’m quick to respond, “No, I’m the one who’s sorry.”
I’m the one letting us down.
I’m the one not good enough to share the court.
I don’t belong.
Tennis, like any sport, is a game of expected runs, or ups and downs.
Just like life.
But for some reason, I believed I needed to lift others up by shrinking… by playing small.
A Truth That Changed Me
Apologies are sacred.
They were never meant to be scattered over things God never asked us to carry.
There is a time to say “I’m sorry”—when we’ve hurt someone, when repentance is needed, when we need to take responsibility for something that truly is ours.
But I had been using those words for things that didn’t belong to me:
Taking up space
Having needs
Receiving recognition
Simply existing
That’s not humility.
That’s self-erasure.
And God never asked me to disappear in order to love others well.
He’s not asking you to do so, either.
What God Says About It
For so long, I thought humility meant stepping back, staying quiet, and to avoid appearing confident or prideful…to not show too much enthusiasm for a personal blessing. Don’t jinx it! Be prepared that the blessing may not last. Feel guilty for receiving it when others are without.
But Scripture paints a different picture.
In Matthew 5:16, we’re told to let our light shine before others. Not hide it. Not apologize for it.
And in Psalm 139:14, we’re reminded that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Those truths don’t leave room for shrinking.
They call us to live with confidence rooted in Him.
Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself.
It’s thinking of yourself the way God does.
A Small Shift That Changed Everything
Instead of saying “I’m sorry,” I’ve been practicing saying:
“Thank you for your patience”
“Thank you so much”
“I appreciate that”
“That means a lot to me”
It’s a small shift… but it’s changing the way I see myself.
If You’ve Been Saying “I’m Sorry” Too Much…
If you’ve been apologizing for things that were never yours to carry…
this is your gentle reminder:
You are allowed to take up space.
You are allowed to have needs.
You are allowed to be celebrated.
You are allowed to simply say, “thank you.”
A Quiet Note From My Heart
To a few girls I went to high school with—
You may never read this… but I’ve thought about that moment more times than you probably know.
Not because I was wrong for feeling compassion…
but because I didn’t yet know how to receive a blessing without apologizing for it.
I’m still learning.
Still catching myself mid-sentence sometimes.
But little by little, I’m trading unnecessary apologies for truth.
And maybe that’s where it starts—
not with perfection,
but with awareness…
and the courage to say
“thank you”
instead of an unwarranted
“I’m sorry.”
Blessings,
Bonnie 🤍
✨ If this post spoke to your heart, I’d love to stay connected with you.
When you subscribe, I’ll send you The 4:13 Journal straight to your inbox—it’s my free gift to you.
It’s a simple, meaningful way to reflect, reset, and remind yourself of the strength you have in Christ.
✨ Subscribe here:
And if you’d like a little encouragement in your daily scroll, come say hello on Instagram too. I’d love to connect with you there: